No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
