hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
