Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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