Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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