My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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