i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
