real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He kissed a someone with a penis
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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