Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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