On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
