she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
