If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
