Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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