I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
