did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Randomize
