he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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