her vagina looked like bernie madoff
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
