I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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