We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
