You're my little dorito
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So many bounce houses so little time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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