meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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