I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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