What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
