am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
