I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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