I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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