Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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