so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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