I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
