so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize