with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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