Will you blow on my dice?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
