East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
