I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
