I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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