I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
