I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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