you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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