see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
