rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
