i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I fill condoms, not promises.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just puked most of my soul out..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
