The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
