Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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