Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
