Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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