Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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