i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Where is the hickey?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
