Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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