he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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