everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize