Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
