I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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