Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Come share oat with me in your robe
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
