Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
