operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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