Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
