he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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