i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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