"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
