half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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