i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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