He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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