I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
