I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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