Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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