god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize