i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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